things bout me...

1. i love GOD.
2. i am part of a non-exclusive barkada .. that i dont know who if whose part of it now...
3. i've never named stuff toys before
4. i love to travel - here, there.. anywhere..
5. my friends love having "monthsary" with me.. i never ever remember when it is... whay our number is...
6. JEN always makes me cry
7. i dont want to work for money.
8. millet calls me moonstar... whats the number ulit?
9. debbie calls me keiko. sya si shamu
10. aLi is frustrated that i dont remember our date.. haha
11. meg and mel, were the one who first called me jus that was transformed to juice
12. it has been a loooonnngg time since i last wsaw lili.
13. i love cafes! expecially the small establishments!
14. i want to travel! ooops.. said that already
15. i dont like chocolate cake, drink, mousse, ice-cream but i love chocolate bars.
16. i love parties! :D
17. i love old toys, books and memorabilies except furniture,

yes... buhay pa tabulas ko.

hahaha...

it took me awhile to realize certain things that just wouldnt get engraved in my head... no matter how much i read about certain things like obedience, trust and rest, i just cant stop thinking and just do it.

just - the root word of my name... im supposed to be just and fair at all times.. my friends will agree that i'll usually try to achieve equilibrium point. balance studies with parties, friends and family, sleep and studies (haha), extra-curricular and academics (haha)... but there comes a time that somethings arent meant to be balance...

someone out there wants the whole of me... for HIM, i said yes. no questions asked. <b> but there's a big difference between a "yes" and actually "surrendering"...</b> does that mean i have to be ruled over? be weak and fragile?

that idea of being a subordinate or be a dependent is not something i desire. on the contrary, i have worked hard on showing people that i am not. i do cry. i do say, i cant do that. but more often than not, people still see me fighting and strong. "be feminine" they say.. i response.. do i have to? if i took sociology in high school i'll probably say to them - "everything is socially constructed anyway... meaning i can deconstruct it and/or not follow the idea that women should act a certain way"... people thinks im smart... an IQ test told me im smart.. so i acted smart. however, i never really pushed myself to be excellent or to top the class cause i dont want to fail. i dont want people to find out.. that i am just normal... i got enough of that at home. i prefer that people see me as smart but lazy. in short a smart-ass.

now in college, i learned that i can push myself and actually reach the top. to be one of the best (so to speak). i also realized that i do want to be feminine!  that as a woman, though i cry a lot and is sometimes controlled by emotions is still strong. however, these things comes with pressure and persecution from myself and those around me.

school is tough. i just love it that is why i am still in school. since i never delt with pressure before as i lived in mediocrity, in college i break-down a lot. i get ruined by my emotions... "oh, i can nevr be this and that.. i am weak" yadayadayada... if that doesnt work...im body will say i am weak.. painful cramps, bloated feelings... tired muscles and weak lungs... society telling me thats makes you a woman. at this point, i just dont want to do anything anymore... stay away. run. hide. just disappear. purpose? i dont care anymore.

<b>i told you that it took me awhile to realized that HE just wanted me to be me. to say and feel who i really am. i cant do everything but i should not refuse to do and give my very best to the something i can do.</b>

he wants me to say i am weak so HE can give me rest - feelings that will give you another shot of adrenaline that will make your day, your week, wour month and ultimately your life's purpose. he just wanted me to ask.

he wants to say that i am feminine - which for me really means that i dont have to be anybody i am not. <b>femininity doesnt mean im weak.. to face your evil doesnt mean surrendering to it. recognizing that you have weaknesses means that you are ready to walk right pass it.</b>

trust. it is really the issue. to obey and to ask for help is a sign of trust because you believe in his or her capability.

<b>it took me awhile... but im still here. i trust more than ever what God wants for me... to obey and to ask.</b>

Currently destroying my eyesight: myx

haaayyy!!! one more long test and i am thru!!! ) second year na ako... wow. anyway, just wanted to share this poem and my paper on it...

When Autumn Came
by Faiz Ahmed Faiz
In Category: Nature.
Author Category: Asian.

 
  1  This is the way that autumn came to the trees:
  2   it stripped them down to the skin,
  3   left their ebony bodies naked.
  4   It shook out their hearts, the yellow leaves,
  5   scattered them over the ground.
  6   Anyone could trample them out of shape
  7   undisturbed by a single moan of protest.

  8   The birds that herald dreams
  9   were exiled from their song,
 10   each voice torn out of its throat.
 11   They dropped into the dust
 12   even before the hunter strung his bow.

 13   Oh, God of May have mercy.
 14   Bless these withered bodies
 15   with the passion of your resurrection;
 16   make their dead veins flow with blood again.

 17   Give some tree the gift of green again.
 18   Let one bird sing.

---

When Oppression Came

“When Autumn Came” – sounds like a title of a romantic movie just like “Autumn in New York where you have a picturesque view of seeing autumn; mainly, falling leaves, and also,  couples walking side by side with their arms around each other, a family of squirrels running up and down a tree or people gathering corns together before winter emerges. Poet Faiz Ahmed Faiz however presented a different view of the season autumn in his poem “When Autumn Came”. He used metaphors and metonymies in describing nature’s violence during this season and he used these devices to connect the decay of autumn to the suffering humanity. After all he is considered as a great revolutionary poet (www.faiz.com). He started with the line “This is the way that autumn came to the trees” which immediately tells the readers his objective: to draw a picture of autumn.  

The first dramatic situation Faiz illustrated is found in lines 2 to 7, how the trees are left “naked” or have no sense of life with their leaves dwindling down to the ground where “anyone can trample them out of shape”.  In addition, he used the word “heart” as a metaphor to the trees’ leaves, after all like the human heart, the leaves are a great indicator of the trees’ health.  Heart is also often used as a metaphor for one’s personality or the very core of a human being, just like for the trees where the leaves are its source of beauty and value.  Without its leaves, the trees would probably be cut down and be processed to become lumber denying its primary purpose which is to provide shade and provide food.  He underpins the dramatic situation with the last line of the stanza “undisturbed by a single moan of protest” which means that no one is doing something to stop the exploitation of the trees or nature.  Moreover, Faiz continue to depict a scenario of disapproval in the second stanza when the birds that once bring dreams to the people (line 8) are banished or killed “before the hunter strung his bow” even before the fight for their rights has begun (line 12).  Here, he further shows his passion towards nature to the point that he sees them as humans.  He even used words like skin, hearts, voice and throat which are associated with human beings as metaphors for parts of nature.  With his fervor and words, Faiz then introduces another dramatic situation which underlines the oppression towards humans.

Looking again on the first stanza with the new dramatic situation in mind, Faiz used autumn as a metonymy for oppression or times of war and trees as a substitute for feeble human beings.  The first stanza then discloses how oppression towards humans leave them “naked” which is a metaphor for them having no rights, no sense of life and are left useless.  In addition, powerless humans in times of war, as depicted in lines 4 to 5, remain weak because their very hope, determination or “heart” is trampled upon.  The second stanza therefore means more than the birds who are affected by the leafless trees.  As trees are to the feeble human beings, the birds who fly towards the vast blue sky are the people who are considered as heroes and fights for the rights of the nation.  Furthermore, birds are used as heroes because they are the one’s who painstakingly journey to the south where there is spring just in order to escape the harshness of winter or autumn for that matter, as compared to the trees who cannot move and are subjected to the oppression.   Also, because of their innate will to fight and look for an alternative solution, the birds as heroes are regarded as the “herald of dreams” (line 8). What happened then to these heroes?  Line 9 to 12 tells their story.  These heroes are “exiled from their song, each voice torn out of its throat”, song being their cry for freedom and they are separated from it as a result of exile and out of the land they are fighting for.  Also, they were forced to be silent.  If exiling them didn’t work they were tortured (line 10) or “dropped into the dust” which means figuratively, they were killed.  The gravity of the situation the heroes are in, is emphasized by line 12 which says that they were exiled, tortured or killed even before they begun to fight or if they seem to be a threat.  The severity of the situation moves the poet to prayer as found in the last stanza and lines of the poem.  Moreover, he prays because he seen the oppression continues as implied by his narration of what already happened.

He starts the prayer by addressing and imploring the God of May to bless their withered bodies.   May is used as a metonymy for the season of spring where rejuvenation of nature happens.  He moves on and ask for the god to make their “dead veins flow with blood again” where he asks the god to rejuvenate their spirit and make them alive again.  Blood then is a metaphor for being alive, as blood after all carries all the necessary nutrients, minerals and oxygen to make the body going.  Also, blood rushes at the moment where you are most alive.  Furthermore, Faiz closes the prayer and ultimately the poem with the simple lines, “Give some tree the gift of green again, Let one bird sing.”  The simplicity of plea highlights a stark contrast in that the situation needs a more far-reaching remedy since there are a lot of “withered bodies” involved.   The short plea has parallelism to the limited time people have before they lose their hope or before they die themselves.  These make the readers pity more the situation brought about by the poem and eventually move them to a stronger emotion.

The poem “When Autumn Came” may well be considered a subtle picture of the prevailing condition of mankind as it touches both natures’s and man’s fragility as can be gleaned from the use of metaphors and metonymy that parallels both ideas equally.  Also in this poem, Faiz Ahmed Faiz was able to convey what oppression does to people, which is to strip them off of their dignity, right and power.  In addition to these is the idea that oppression begets more immoral acts like killing.  The poem then is an antipoem that reveals another side to “autumn” and ultimately, life.

One of the prerequisites for being a servant of God is to think like a servant. This would be fine if it wasnt so impossible. We are all naturally wired to think only of ourselves. Learning to give preference to others is one of the true marks of a Christian because it is so contrary to human nature. Thats why desiring it comes from God, and doing it comes through the Holy Spirit. Paul said of Timothy: I have no one else like Timothy, who genuinely cares for your welfare. All the others care only for themselves and not for what matters to Jesus Christ

Philippians 2:20,21 NLT).

Hidden in these verses is the secret to making an attitude of servanthood become a part of your thinking. It starts with Jesus. When you fall in love with Jesus, you focus on Him and worship Him. As you do this, you find out about Him you get to know Him as you would a friend and soon you come to know what matters to Him, until finally, you start to realize that what matters to Him, matters to you. This is not just a factor of familiarity, either. There is a supernatural element at work here as well. What matters to Jesus connects with the Holy Spirit in you, and the Spirit answers from deep inside you to the call of truth. Other people mattered deeply to Jesus. He could read their hurt and pain. Scripture says He was aman of sorrows and acquainted with grief. Well where did that grief and sorrow come from if it didnt come from the suffering of people around Him? In other words, He was carrying their grief. He was empathizing with their sorrow. Once a woman touched him in a desperate need to be healed, and He could feel the compassionate power go from Him even though He didnt see who touched Him in the press of the crowd. He was that sensitive to the needs of those around Him.

Now truly, thinking like a servant doesnt automatically make you one, but it goes a long way toward getting you there. If you are thinking like a servant, you are noticing others; and the more you are aware of others, the more the Holy Spirit can use you in reaching out to them. All this increases the opportunity for the gospel. People are simply not used to being served.

Currently feeling: thankful